Do what you said you’d do.
…that’s pretty much it. That is: when you agree to something, it translates into commitment, so honoring that commitment—as minor or inconsequential as it may be—is less common than you’d think. Given its rarity, just a few occasions of following through are enough to cement a reputation of reliability. Yet, I’m often surprised that more people don’t consistently follow through.
So it’s worth breaking down why this is a rare trait.
First, there’s the social factor. Humans are hard-wired to be agreeable to our peers and colleagues; in the context of making commitments, this translates to saying “yes” even when we shouldn’t, whether we have the capacity or desire or occasionally, ability. This problem with overcommitments is so common that there is no shortage of advice articles to avoid getting yourself into too much stuff at once, usually by reminding the reader that it’s alright to decline new tasks.
A related phenomenon is avoiding the uncomfortable discussion of being unable to meet a commitment. Sometimes, it’s easier to just ignore the pledge, and hope that the other party has also forgotten they asked—the two disassociations kinda cancel each other out. Otherwise, though, it’s the proverbial “getting out of something” genre of human behaviors, which ranges from deliberately routing around the topic, to repeatedly avoiding the people you promised, to faking your death. That is, it’s easier to commit and then ghost your beneficiaries, than to politely decline or own up to the shortfall after the fact.
Second, there’s what I’d call the technical factor. It’s a good bet that anyone being asked is themselves busy with plenty on their existing metaphorical plates, they have to find the time and space to work on and fulfill this new commitment. This is, of course, the genesis of the modern productivity movement: inventing new techniques, systems, principles, tools, and frameworks to manage and make sense of an overwhelming amount of tasks. Whether it’s aggressive calendaring, holistic to-do lists, workflows for email and chat, written and verbal notes, bullet journaling…the goal is to manage this unmanageable set of commitments that we all carry around1, hoping that nothing falls through the cracks.
There is also the reality that we’re all terrible at guessing how much effort it takes to accomplish unfamiliar tasks. Much like how software engineers struggle to provide good estimates for their work, we tend to make light of unknown complexities, overestimate our abilities to resolve issues quickly, and underappreciate factors out of our control. When I was looking to make an appointment for a roof inspection, I knew who to contact and had my calendar ready to check availability; I could not predict that the chat would disconnect repeatedly due to the phone autolocking from inactivity, controlled by a setting encoded in a corporate security policy, while customer support would route the request across 3 departments, push the date a month out, and require written and visual confirmation of the problem before appointment confirmation. Oh, and it’ll depend on the weather that week. I almost gave up multiple times through the interaction.
Third, an underappreciated variable here is economics. Suppose that we’ve managed to overcome any social awkwardness and scope out a minimal commitment, and that we have the processes and wherewithal to accomplish said task, there’s the constant reevaluation of how much of a priority it is, balanced against everything else we could be doing instead. For major commitments, we’ll conduct real calculations on the return on investment; it may matter a lot less if we’re past the deadline anyway, or the uncovered complexities make the task a lot more work for a meager payout, or we’re just too damn tired to deal with one more to-do item. As a manager, I’ve accepted that this is a common outcome when I try to delegate: with all the prodding and explanations and repeated reminders, it’s only worth the effort when investing in others’ skillsets in the longer run.
Yet, with all these difficulties that make consistently following through arduous, it’s a rare treat to work with someone—personally or professionally—who can be relied upon. This is the general contractor who calls back and checks in on their work; the coworker who sets deadlines for themselves and meets them even when you’ve forgotten you asked for their help; the teacher who outlines their commitments to their students and their parents and adheres to it week after week. It’s a deceptively simple thing.
This is not just adulting™; my kids started to learn to organize their homework agendas in third grade.↩